Chapter 4

Vera

I would have rather cut out my own tongue than admit to Kitajo my true feelings for him. He knows that about me. Yet, he still pushes my buttons, as if seeing me squirm under his gaze gives him some sort of twisted satisfaction.

He lies on his side with his head propped on his hand, facing me in his giant bed. “Come on, Vera. Aren’t you tired of all the pretending and wearing masks? There’s no need for any of it. Not right here. Not with me.” He sighs. “Anyway, I know.”

I arch an eyebrow. “What did I tell you about reading my emotions, Kitajo? You’re never allowed to use your Decarios powers on me.”

A cheeky smirk dancing on the corner of his mouth, he says, “Vera, my love. I have no need to use my power to read you. I see the look in your eyes when they’re on me. Besides, even if I wanted to get a read on your emotions, and I would dare to disregard your wishes against me using it, you know it doesn’t work. Not on you. It must be a sign from the spirits of the gods.”

“It’s rather arrogant of you to assume you understand what’s in my eyes when I look at you,” I say with a laugh. “And it’s beyond you, General, to read into accidents and coincidences as signs of fate or the spirits of the gods.”

But my heart skips a beat at the overly romantic thought of what if what we have is written in the stars.

Kitajo sighs dramatically, like a desperate man. He rolls onto his back, crosses his arms behind his head, and flexes his chest muscles.

“You’re such a dramatic show-off,” I say. “If you didn’t carry that broadsword of yours and wear Ezkai leathers all the time, I would think you’re nothing more than a huge toddler.”

He closes his eyes and makes a face, as if he’s in physical pain, while he places a hand on his chest, right where his heart is. “You’re a cruel, cruel fae.” One eye opens after a heartbeat. “I love it when you’re mean to me.”

“You may want to speak to someone about that, honey.”

He moves faster than lightning.

“My dearest,” Kitajo purrs into my ear. His fingers trace the line of my neck, pausing to toy with the black diamond choker he gifted me. “You have no idea how my soldiers and my whole damn government would feel if they knew just how eager I am to please you. If they knew how strong my desire to give you the world and what’s beyond it is.”

My chest floods with warmth. I may be a professional, but even I am not immune to Kitajo, and the words he showers me with.

“I’m pretty sure it’s no secret by now that we share a bed, General.”

He pulls me on top of him with ease. Only silk sheets are separating our naked bodies. When his fingers find the naked skin on the small of my back and run up my spine, a pleasant tingle spreads all over me.

It’s not the type of tingle you get in anticipation of sexual pleasure. No—it’s so much more. It’s the warm, tingly feeling that fills you up when a lover looks deep in your eyes and whispers those three magical words into your ear.

It’s the feeling of the whole universe melting away, time slipping through your fingers like fine sand. The feeling of completely losing your grip on reality, on whether there is someone else in the room apart from you and the one you desire more than anything else in the world.

I know very well the difference between the sensual touch of a lover, and the tingly touch of the one my soul craves.

It’s a dangerous line Kitajo and I are walking.

His luscious eyelashes cast a shadow on his beige cheekbones. I could look at him for days on end and always find him irresistible.

“Next week, I’m calling the official meeting with every member of House Dzuni. This one is going to be only for the eyes. I’ve already spoken with every member personally and have gotten the new bill written out and ready to pass as soon as the official meeting is conducted,” Kitajo says.

It takes my brain a minute to process what he says. When it finally hits me, I squeal from happiness. Kitajo laughs.

“You’re the smartest fae to walk the earth,” I say, cupping his face in my palms.

“The jury is still out on whether I’m the smartest or dumbest fae alive. But I’m glad you think that of me.”

I kiss him, hardly able to contain my excitement and gratitude.

“You know that you’re going to change lives with this. You’ll save lives,” I say once I pull away from the kiss. Kitajo’s eyes are searching my face. “It’s not an insignificant law. You’re going to put an end to illegal human trafficking, to young girls and boys being sold into slavery, losing control over their bodies and souls. This is something not many people are brave enough to do. But you are, General.”

Finally, it’s happening.

All this time, hard work, networking, and trying to make my way into the right circles with influence to make this law a reality will pay off. All the sleepless nights, lying awake and strategizing my moves, learning the ways of Dzuni and Ezkai, won’t go to waste.

Sagara might not get to see the plan she worked hard on, and passed on to me, come to life. But all of our work will pave the way for those who come after us. I hope you’re watching from beyond. I hope you’re proud.

Kitajo clicks his tongue. “So, you think I’m smart and that I’m brave, huh? I’m fairly certain you’ve never complimented me before. I would remember if you had—the feeling of being adored is just too mesmerizing to forget.”

I slap his muscular chest and it makes a loud sound. “This is exactly why I don’t compliment you, ever. You’re too full of yourself as it is.”

Kitajo winks at me.

I slide off him and roll over to the corner of the bed. Once I’m far away from the heat of his body, I realize the air in the bedroom is chilly. A light breeze comes in through the open windows.

I grab my silk robe from the foot of the bed, wrap it tightly around myself, and walk to the window.

The full moon hangs heavily in the dark sky, lighting up the Castle grounds with all the intricate pathways between the buildings and beautiful gardens. The snowy mountains loom in the distance, always watching over our city.

“So, is that it, then?” Kitajo’s voice is smooth. “You got what you wanted and now you don’t need your handsome and strong Ezkai General anymore?”

“Pretty much,” I say, voice light. “This is what us Caetras do, isn’t it? We come in, entertain you gentlefolk. We paint your world in colors you’ve never seen before. And once we’re done and have what we need from you, we leave and move on to the next one in line.” I glance at him over my shoulder. “And believe me, General. The line is long.”

“I have no doubt the line is long. I must admit that my fragile heart is hurt by your words, Vera. I really thought that I was special.”

I turn back to the window. “Don’t exaggerate, Kitajo. It’s not your fragile heart that’s hurt. It’s your fragile ego.”

He barks a laugh. The one that’s untamed and raw. He only laughs like this with me.

“You’re unbearable. Come back to bed.”

I turn around. He offers me his hand. An invitation that’s extremely hard to resist. His large palm, long fingers, muscles shifting under his skin. An urge to run to him, bury my face in his chest, and never leave his side rises inside me.

I crave that so much it physically hurts.

After I lost Sagara, Kitajo became home, despite my best efforts to prevent that. One can’t help the way one’s heart feels. One can only control one’s mind. That’s one of the most valuable lessons Sagara taught me before she passed.

Slowly, I pad over to the bed. “Sadly, I can’t stay the night. My crew is waiting for me back at the studio. I’ve got some business to take care of.”

I stand over him lying in the bed. He is so handsome like this, without his leather armor, and weapons. His raven hair messily drapes around his shoulders and head instead of being tied in a high bun.

Kitajo’s dark eyes are serious when he says his next words. “I love you, Vera. I meant it the last time I said it to you, and I mean it now.”

I love you.

Those words coming from his lips are the thing I want to hear more than anything. Yet, they are the words that mean nothing in our world.

I walk away from him, towards the chair where my clothes hang. Slowly, I dress up.

“You can pretend you didn’t hear me. You can act like the words mean nothing. It won’t change a damn thing, Vera. I’m a warlord, born for blood and battle. I’ve led armies into hell, buried brothers-in-arms, stood against enemies who would gut the world if I let them. You think your silence will break me? Or force a change of heart? Let it cut. I’ll bleed for you. I’ll endure every cold glance, every retreat, every denial you throw at me. Because one day—one day—you’ll stop running. And when you do, I’ll be here, exactly where I’ve always been. Waiting.”

I close my eyes. I believe him. He means every word with his whole heart and soul.

“Maybe you’re the dumbest fae alive after all,” I say, facing him. “You’re an Ezkai General, the ruler of Ekios. The most powerful person in this country. I’m a Caetra. One to keep your bed warm, mind engaged, and soul satisfied. It doesn’t matter how you feel or how you think I feel. There is no such thing as love in your world or mine.”

Kitajo knows I speak true—despite his many flaws, he’s intelligent as nobody I have ever met. However, early on in my profession I learned that sometimes strong feelings can cloud even the sharpest and brightest minds of great folk.

In a blink, Kitajo is out of bed. He closes the distance between us before I can turn to leave.

He cups my cheek. “You’re right. I’m the most powerful soldier in this country. Look at how much change I managed to accomplish with my reign in a hundred years. And I’m only getting started. Caetras are greatly respected in Ekios, you’re an ancient part of our society. And while laws forbid Ezkai Generals to have a family of their own, I’m not technically forbidden to marry.”

Marriage? I shake my head. He is out of his damn mind.

“Your one and only love is your country and your people, Kitajo. That’s the responsibility you accepted when you won the trials and became the Ezkai General,” I say. “Enough of this nonsense.”

When I turn to leave, Kitajo doesn’t stop me. I’m grateful for it. I’m not sure how much longer I would be able to resist him. I love you, too. Those words dance at the very tip of my tongue, but the fear that seizes my chest prevents them from spilling out my lips.

Just as I am about to shut the bedroom door behind me, his last words reach my ears: “One day, Vera dearest, one day. We have nothing but time. And I have patience.”